Our life is controlled. Even though we do not wish or simply do not believe in such things, by a power greater then that of our so-called God, stronger then our greatest fears, more real no one thought possible. Our life is controlled by greed. We want, we need, we ask, we take, we order, but never hear the pleads of other more needing then us, never giving, not in the real meaningful way, never obeying when we have to. We consume the love we receive, we destroy the happiness around us, and we even enjoy it. It is our greatest sin.
Parents want their kids to be better in life then they were before them, lovers want more and more ways of showing that the other one cares not interested when we really need to talk or simply hug, every one of us is greedy by nature. There is no escaping it.
Then there is that one moment of our lives when we stop being so selfish and start to think about the others. It is when we want to commit suicide, when you begin to think that if you slit your wrists it would be very painful for your family and friends to know. That you will leave so many people wandering why did you do it and where they to blame. Of course there are those who simply are too weary, too weak, too broken, too hurt to remember what devastation they would bring, they simply want an end.
An end. What a nice ring it has to it, don’t you think? An end to the pain of being rejected, of being betrayed, of being left behind, of the constant reminder that you are not what other want you to be, that you never can or will be that someone everyone wants you to be. An end to the lies in life, to the torments and horrors, to the bloody tears in your eyes, to everything. Some people will say that I am simply depressed or that I am stupid. That there are many, many great things to live for. Name to me one that in the passage of time will not turn to dust.
We are the children of light, full of darkness and hatred fascinated by pain and sorrow despising the goodness that for me now is nothing but a myth, a legend. We have been forsaken from the God we ourselves had created, we even put to shame with our actions the Devil we so fear. I had simply enough of living in a blunt world where you cannot or will not do anything for anyone and you cannot have trust in no one.
Moreover, with what greatness will I be remembered? With my giggles, with my strong love for a boy, with my need of just a handful of people to feel that, I really am alive and happy, with my helping hand always there but not when you really need it? To have your trust in me and to see it brake in thousand of peaces before your eyes just because I am stupid?
I won’t be remembered.
There is nothing to remember about me. I am lazy, I am scared of what I must face in the future, I am weary and weak, broken inside and left to rot. Sometimes at night, I really do not know what or who I am anymore. And when I am gone…..what? My name will fade, my face will melt, my heart will be cold and though I do not believe to have such a thing, my soul will be alone.
I guess I just miss my best friend and my sister by heart.
Who am I?
Am I you? Or just a nobody in the crowd of broken lives, dreams and of course of hopes.
Who am I?
Am I you? Or just a nobody in the crowd of broken lives, dreams and of course of hopes.
